i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
