i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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