Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Please, let me fuck your mom
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
