omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize