i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
