Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize