Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
