did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
