I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
