I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
