no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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