last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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