At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There r osticjed everywhere
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
