So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
