Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize