im gay
i know
yea but for you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
