I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
