Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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