did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Enjoy the penises
Randomize