hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
