i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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