We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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