i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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