So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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