dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
