okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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