I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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