I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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