did you get engaged???
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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