But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
