I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize