Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
