Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
