4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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