Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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