Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
