i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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