I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
