weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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