Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize