your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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