I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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