I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
