let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They are going to name an STD after you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
