and i looked up. we had an audience...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize