So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
