Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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