If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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