Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
