I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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