You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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