i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who died my cat blue again?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
