I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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