Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
