I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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