i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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