They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize