i jhust puked up my retainher.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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