I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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