Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
