is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
