Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize