He kissed a someone with a penis
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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