Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
