Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
