Buhtt sex?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
