i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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