I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
