Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
