being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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