Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
