What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
