nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
