We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
