Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
