the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
