i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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