maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
