quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
