Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
