Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
