'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're like the curious george of whores
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will be naked everywhere
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
