Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
