This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
