I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
