You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
