I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
