I don't think brook has ever known best
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
