That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
