We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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