Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
