The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
