And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
