nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
